


It’s too late to apologize

by pseudofoucault333



Series: The Ole Bandom fics :) [4]
Category: Bandom, HIM (Band), Viva La Bam RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Break Up, Cigarettes, Confrontations, F/M, Finland (Country), First Kiss, First Time, Infidelity, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Philadelphia, Phone Calls & Telephones, Slapping, Touring, Ville telling the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-05
Updated: 2012-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-11 12:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/478594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missy got a phone call from Ville telling her about everything he and Bam have been doing.So she throws Bam out and files for Divorce. But will Bam be happy that he can finally have what he wants or will he blame Ville for ruining his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s too late to apologize

**Title:** It’s too late to apologize [s/a]  
 **Author:** **lovin_torture**  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Pairing:** Vam, Missy/Bam  
 **POV:** Bam  
 **Summary:** Missy got a phone call from Ville telling her about everything he and Bam have been doing.So she throws Bam out and files for Divorce. But will Bam be happy that he can finally have what he wants or will he blame Ville for ruining his life?  
 **Disclaimer:** Title © OneRepublic, All people belong to themselves no matter how much I wish otherwise. If this is real then I’m sure a lot of fan girls would be happy. Nothing to do with **horseanddomslv** ’s short song fic.  
 **Author Notes:** Came to me while listening to that catchy Apologise song by OneRepubic. Don’t ask how or why because your answer is as good as mine. concrit appreciated and comments = cookies  <3

I can’t remember when it started. I’m pretty sure it was one of Ville’s concerts in Philadelphia. We’d both got wasted off our faces and been dared to make out in a closet, though the significance of that I still have no clue. We’d been so wasted that we hadn’t seen the harm. I’d work up the next morning with my jeans around my ankles, my shirt sat on top of a pile of shoes and Ville passed out on the floor with cum dripping down the corner of his mouth. Putting two and two together hadn’t taken that long, I’d been so freaked out that in the end I dressed and managed to sneak out before he came round. 

I’d spent the rest of the day in Philadelphia trying to get my head straight and assure myself that no way would I have done that…. no way would Ville have tried to suck me off. He managed to find me at a Starbucks across the street from his hotel and tried to talk me round. To assure me that it wasn’t that bad, that he had always felt something like that for me but had never imagined that I would be so submissive. I’d reminded him over and over that I was drunk…as if I could be anything else. But I was lying to myself, when I felt his hand on my thigh under the table I’d felt something more that scared me. Something I hadn’t felt from anyone but Missy.  
Thinking of Missy had been my wake up call; I’d got up and left, ignoring him calling after me. Telling me that it would happen again, and when it did…He would make sure I was sober.

A couple of months passed, me and Missy had a fairly good time together traveling around, but everytime there was a HIM concert wherever we were, I’d refuse her offer of us going which seemed to concern her. She knew what good friends we were, She knew how I would rarely turn down the chance to go to his show. It was insane. Finally I couldn’t keep myself away from him, it was the first and only time that she dragged me to a concert. I wouldn’t go back stage though, merging into the crowd around me and letting my thumb brush over her knuckles to reassure me. I don’t think I could have done it without her.  
When the cheering begin and I felt his gaze trying to pick me out in the crowd I knew I needed him. I knew it and hated myself. After the concert I let Missy pull me back stage and leave me to hang around with the band as she went back to the hotel which made something inside of me practically scream at her not to.

This time Ville didn’t get me drunk, this time he did fuck me sober in his hotel room and I suppose that’s where it began. He managed to coax me to come on tour with him, and every night of a six-month tour from Chicago to Oregon to Vegas, to Los Angeles, to Austin, to Orlando and back home we’d fuck. Each time in a different way, each time a rare occasion where he would let me take control and yet each time it was fucking wonderful. I can remember lying bed beside him and watching him sleep, letting my fingers brush his tattoo on his abdomen, all the thoughts coming to me of spending forever with him…having him fuck me every day…. living with me. You’d think my wedding ring would remind me. But our first night together on the tour he managed to persuade me to take it off. The guilt seemed too much for him if he saw the proof I was married. It sat in my toiletry bag forgotten.

But when we reached West Virginia, a state line away from me going back to my life, the night after his concert, I can remember how his style and demeanor changed. He sucked me off desperately; he thrust into me so hard I was sure he was trying to leave his mark on me. After we finished I expected him to roll off me like usual but this time he didn’t. He let me lower myself down on to the bed but remained on top of me, kissing my back as his fingers grazed up and down my waist. 

“Ville I am going to need to sleep tonight you know?”

“Hm?”

“I’m meeting Missy in Philadelphia…She’ll be suspicious if I appear with bags under my eyes…walking funny with no ring on my finger,” I said, with a sigh resting my forehead against the headboard.His body stiffened behind mine and I swallowed. I always hurt him when I talked about Missy…it was obvious.

“Vil…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be….” His voice was faint and obviously forced, like he was trying to fake sleep or something. He sighed against my neck and I felt him tracing patterns on my back absent-mindedly. “…I just wish you were…. single you know?” 

“What are you saying Vil? I mean I love Missy. I wouldn’t have married her otherwise.”

“I know that.”

“You want me to divorce her don’t you? You want me you be with you.”

“Bam you’re putting words in my mouth.”

“It’s what you want though…isn’t it?”

He sighed and rolled off me, pulling the covers over his naked body as he kept his back to me. 

“Even if it is Ville…I can’t do that to her.”

“What but you can do it to me…?”

“What do you mean?”

It was then that it hit me. The way he treated me like he would one of his girlfriends…. the way he’d added my initials on a tattoo to the heart on his inner wrist…. the way he’d made me swear that we would be friends no matter what he did or said. All those signs and they amounted up to one thing. He loved me. Oh fuck. He probably noticed that I put it all together because he tried to grab my hand under the covers. I didn’t protest exactly, silently letting him lace his fingers with mine.

“I mean…that I love you Bam. I don’t want you to go back to Missy…I don’t want to be in a bed with out you…or not hear your voice.”

“But Ville.”

“I know…. It’ll never happen with us…and I’ll deal with it,” he said quietly, giving my hand a squeeze before letting his fingers slip from mine.

I heard the click as the lamp was turned off and I was left in darkness as I felt his bare back against my side.

I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night and the few hours that I managed I woke from to see he’d packed and left for breakfast with the others. Leaving me alone, like he was trying to distance himself from me so it wouldn’t hurt him anymore than it already had. I reluctantly got out of bed, after spending ten minutes trying to find his smell in the blankets but it was like they’d been wiped clean. Not even sweat, leaving me to feel empty…I could tell what Ville was feeling like at that moment.

I showered, dressed and packed before sitting on the end of the unmade bed where all my dreams were about to come to an end. It was there that I replaced my wedding band on my finger and tried to assure myself that it was for the best that I was staying in my marriage. When Ville came back for his luggage he didn’t look at me or say anything, I felt his gaze on my wedding band but I could easily have been mistaken it was so hard to tell. He made sure to check for anything around as I put my hoodie on before we reluctantly left our own little world and walked back into reality.

The whole drive from Charleston to Philadelphia was filled with the usual laughter from the others that I’d become accustomed to, but Ville sat in his bunk with the curtains drawn and wouldn’t say anything to anyone even if they offered him a beer. I’d never seen him so withdrawn before and it was really starting to scare me. We soon reached my stop before they left to go to the airport, and as I gathered my stuff and saying my goodbyes to the others I knew I should say goodbye to Ville. The others seemed to sense my unease as they went back to what they were doing leaving me to bite my lip as I gathered the nerve to speak to him.

“Ville?”

He didn’t say anything, the curtain didn’t move like he was trying to ignore me. And after everything that had happened between us over the past six months it hurt. I wanted to open the curtains and pull him into a hug…or something. But I had no idea if that would be a good idea or if it would just cut him deeper than he already was.

“Ville…I’m going now. I just wanted you to know how much fun I had spending time with you. Maybe I’ll come to Helsinki for your next concert.” I tried to push as much optimism into my voice as I could manage but it seemed worthless when I heard him murmur something from behind the curtain.

“Maybe…maybe not depending on if you can bare to be with me again.”

I took a glance at the others before letting my duffel bag drop out of my hand and pulling the curtain back. He was sat with his head buried in his knees, his hair over his face and his eyes closed.

“Ville…. don’t be like this,” I whispered, sitting on the bed opposite him and moving forward to brushed his hair away when he pulled away.

“Just go…Missy’s waiting.” He was choked up with tears and I felt a lump in my throat, I was the reason he was like this and I hated myself.

“Bye Ville,” I said quietly, pausing a moment before sliding off the bunk and closing the curtains behind me. I picked up my duffel bag and walked off the bus, not knowing when I would see him again.

When I met with Missy at the Starbucks we often went to I tried to keep a smile on my face as she kissed my cheek and handed me a latte she’d ordered while waiting. The whole time she asked me what the tour was like, and I ended up probably telling her more lies than the truth. When our coffees were empty and she led me to where she’d parked her Lamborghini It was like I’d killed the part of me that had been holding on to and treasuring every moment that I was with Ville. 

A few months later Things had got as back to normal as I could manage. Though I’m sure Missy could sense a change in me. I didn’t listen to HIM as much anymore because it hurt too much, hearing the sorrow and heart ache in each song when I convinced myself I was the reason it had been there all along. I was never in the mood to have sex with her much, and when I did….I’d do it in a way she wasn’t used to…the way He’d taught me. I spent most nights not being able to sleep, sitting on the half pipe and staring at the sky…. wondering what Ville was doing.

He hadn’t contacted me in any shape or form, no emails, no phone calls…it was enough to convince me he’d cut me out of his life for good. Not that he hadn’t done this before, when ever he was doing anew album he’d cut himself off, but even then he’d still give me fair warning in the form of an email.  
It wasn’t until one night that it happened.

I’d managed to let Chad drag me out to one of the bars in Westchester that I hadn’t been to for so long. The old crowd had gathered like they were trying to cheer me up and while I appreciated it to some degree, I just wanted to go home and stay there. When I walked up the driveway home I spotted what looked like Missy throwing clothes out our bedroom window. Something in the pit of my stomach churned, that wasn’t a good sign at all.

I walked around the pile of my clothes and a couple of smashed skateboards outside the front door into the house. I could hear Missy crying and muttering to herself as I went into our bedroom where she was grabbing some of my element clothing from the closet.

“Missy what are you doing?” 

She froze at the sound of my voice and threw what clothes she had gathered at me.

“YOU BASTARD!”

“What?”

“You fucking two timing son of a bitch!” She yelled, throwing my shoes at me.

“Missy calm down!”

“Calm down? Calm down! I just found out my husband has been fucking his beloved Ville for six months…. how the hell do you expect me to calm down?”

My heart sunk into my stomach. No…no…no-one would have been that heartless.

“Who told you?”

“You're not even going to deny it?”

“Who told you Missy?”

She brushed her hair out of her face with shaking hands and gave me a dirty look as she spat the name I had prayed she wouldn’t.

“Ville.”

“He called?”

“Yes he called Bam! He asked if you were here then dropped this bomb shell on me!”

I raked my fingers through my hair as I sunk on to our bed. How the hell could he do this to me?

“I should have known! You fucking me like some kind of whore, moping around and refusing to listen to HIM! I should have pieced it all together. But maybe some part of me was just so deep in denial that I refused to believe that you would ever hurt me this way!”

“Missy just let me explain!”

“Explain what? How a guy can fuck another guy? Because right now I really don’t want to hear it Bam!” She yelled, going back to our closet and grabbing two Element duffel bags, which she threw out the window.

“Missy for god’s sake stop!”

“He told me that he loves you Bam. That he thought I should know because two people loving one heart isn’t healthy. So you know what get the hell out! Go to Helsinki and be with him like I know you want to!”

“Missy I love you not him!”

Before the last word had left my mouth the sound of slapped skin echoed around the room and I swallowed as my cheek began to sting.

“Don’t you dare lie to me Brandon Margera! I’ve put up with more than enough from you but this really is more than I can stand. So get the fuck out!”

She pushed me out the door and shut the bedroom door in my face, leaving me there to try and put my feelings into some kind of order. I grabbed my car keys, cell phone, wallet everything that I knew I would need to leave, but I also did something before Missy got the chance. I took the HIM picture from the wall and smashed it against the edge of the pool table, smashing my guitar against the jukebox and went outside to retrieve my clothes.

I bundled them into the passenger seat of my Lamborghini and drove down the driveway for the last time. Leaving behind memories of the only thing that had been so stable in my life. I drove around Westchester trying to make some sense of what I was going to do now. I could easily go to Finland and confront him. I could go there and slap him until I felt in anyway better but it would only make me feel guilty. I finally pulled into a lay by not far from my Brother’s house and rested my forehead against the steering wheel as I tried to let the anger get out of me.

I hit my fists against the steering wheel ignoring the horn sounding and the tears falling down my face, I can’t remember how long I sat there. When I’d finally got it all out of me I managed to drive the rest of the way to my brother’s place. I lay across the driver and passenger seat, ignoring the way the gear stick dug into my back as I dialed my brother’s number and prayed he wouldn’t hate me. Then again maybe I would have deserved it.

“Bam? What the hell? It’s 2am…”

“I know…I’m sorry I was wondering if I could stay…for the night?”

“Where the hell are you? Why can’t you just go home?”

“Please…. I’ll explain in the morning.”

“Fine….I’ll open the back door for you but this better not be a regular thing…or Missy will start to worry.”

“Thanks Jess.”

I hung up and gathered a few clothes from the passenger seat, stuffing them into a duffel bag and getting out of the car. I leaned against the car door as I watched the lights go on and saw the kitchen door open. I walked towards the back door and closed it behind me to see Jess grabbing a blanket and pillow from a cupboard. He threw them at me when he noticed I was there and sighed.

“Night Bam…”

“Night Jess.”

I let my duffel bag fall to the floor as I walked into the lounge and threw the pillow on to the couch, laying on it and covering myself with the blanket.I barely slept at all and was woke early by my nieces watching some cartoon on the TV and calling me uncle Bam.

“Sweeties I think Uncle Bam doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

“It’s fine Kel. Hey girls, come sit up here with uncle Bam..” I smiled, sitting up right and patting the couch beside me causing them to giggle and climb either side of me. I put my arms around their shoulders pulling them close and kissing their foreheads as Kelly walked into the Kitchen.

I let the girls explain to me who the characters on the TV were and tried to pay attention but my mind was really more exhausted than I could bare.Finally Kelly ushered them into the kitchen to get their breakfast leaving me to be pestered by my brother. It was better than being nagged by my mom though I’ll give him that.

“So…why did you want to crash here and not go home?” Jess asked, sitting on the couch beside me.

“Me and Missy had a slight fight.”

“When do you two not fight?”

“No I mean seriously Jess. Why else do you think I have my clothes stuffed in my car?”

“She threw you out? Why?”

I reluctantly explained to him what had happened with Ville and wasn’t surprised when he slapped me. I was definitely going to look battered by the time I got to Helsinki.

“So you’re going to Helsinki?”

“Don’t really have much choice.”

“Yes you do…. you could stay and try to make things work with Missy.”

“She doesn’t want me Jess. She made that much clear!”

“And to be honest I can’t blame her but she’s your wife Bam.”

“I have to ask him why he did.”

“You need any money for a flight?”

“Nah I grabbed my wallet and stuff last night…I just need to book it.”

“Well you do that and then sort yourself out before you go.”

“Can you please not tell April and Phil about this?”

“Believe me this is the last thing they’ll want to hear.”

I gave him a weak smile of thanks and watched him disappear into the kitchen when my sister in law called for him. I pulled my cell phone out my bag and pressed the speed dial for the flights booking line. It didn’t take long for me to get a flight for that afternoon. I just wanted to be out of the country as soon as possible.

When I’d showered, changed, watched my Nieces go off to school and sorted through my luggage in my car, I drove to the airport. When I’d parked, checked in and grabbed a coffee I sat outside my gate and waited. I’d signed a few autographs by the time the gate opened and managed to smile at some other fans as I got on. I spent the vast majority of the flight sleeping and yet my dreams were filled with confrontations with Ville. But they would always end in me and him fucking or him begging me to forgive him until I let him suck me off. It was surreal…but while I was angry with him I knew that despite how much I tried to deny it…I did love him. I couldn’t explain why or what it was that let that emotion into me though I had a feeling that it had been brewing deep inside of me all the time but I had been suppressing it.

Finally I arrived in Finland and I was even more tired than I had been when I got on the plane. I could feel people staring at me when I grabbed my bag and got a cab from the airport to the middle of the city. I toyed with the idea of going straight to Ville’s apartment but there was no telling what would happen if I did. I needed some time to rest and think things through before I did something drastic. I paid the cab and began the walk towards the apartment block where Jussi lived, though knowing him the way I did he probably wouldn’t be there. 

I was right. I spent half an hour knocking on the door and finally sunk down against the wall. I spent a while calling around all the people I knew in Helsinki aside from Ville but it seemed like they were all at some party that someone had failed to mention to me. I put my cell phone back in my bag when my last contact didn’t answer and hoped that Jussi would come back soon.  
When he finally did he was leading someone I didn’t recognize along by the hand, giggling amongst themselves as they spoke to each other in Finnish though he immediately stopped when he saw me sat there.

“Bam, what are you doing here?” He asked, as the person he was pulling after him stopped and watched the two of us carefully. Like he thought I was an ex of Jussi’s.

“I was hoping I could talk to you…or stay for a while. But if you’re busy…it doesn’t matter. I’ll just go get a hotel,” I said with a weak smile, picking up my luggage as I got up.

“No, Bam you don’t have to,” Jussi said, taking a glance at his one nightstand behind him who had put his arms around Jussi’s waist and was kissing his neck.

“Really. It’s fine,” I said, inching towards the stairs.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” He said, with a smile.

“Sure…have fun.” I said, putting the bag over my shoulder and walking out the apartment block. But as I was walking along the street towards the hotels I felt someone watching me. I tried to ignore it but it was a little hard when I heard a voice say “…Bam?”

I reluctantly turned around and saw Ville crossing the road. He looked awful, a cigarette was hanging from between his lip and yet he had let himself go. He looked like he’d lost weight since I last saw him; his eyes were gaunt and surrounded by bags like he’d barely slept.

“I didn’t expect to see you in Helsinki,” said Ville, taking the cigarette from his lips. I could hear all the words gathering in my head about what I should say to him but yelling insults at him in the middle of a street was definitely not a good idea.

“Can we just go to your apartment? We need to talk,” I said quietly, looking around in case there was anyone else that I knew.

“Um…. sure. I’m surprised you didn’t call me,” Ville said, putting his hand on my shoulder, though instead of that feeling of importance and being needed I felt the anger building under the surface.

I moved myself away from him and let him lead the way towards his apartment. We barely said anything between us and after I moved away he didn’t make any other move to try and touch me, which I was grateful for. It didn’t take long for us to get there and when we did I put my bag on the couch and waited for him to close the door before turning to look at him.

“So what do you want to talk about?” Ville asked calmly leaning his back against the door as he looked at me.

“You. Telling Missy about us. Breaking apart my marriage and causing me to be thrown out of my own house, that’s what!” I said angrily.

“She told you?”

“I came home and found her throwing my clothes out the window Ville. She slapped me and called me a liar! How the hell could you do this to me when you claim to love me!” 

“I do love you Bam. I just couldn’t put up with the guilt anymore…”

“Then you should have said something to me instead of my wife!”

“You would have talked me out of it!”

“Of course I would have! Do you seriously think I wanted to see my wife in tears, hearing her scream blood murder at me?”

“For god’s sake Bam I’m sorry alright! I’m sorry I want to be with you! I’m sorry I love you! I’m sorry that I was so damned selfish that I wanted to have you all to myself! But do you seriously not feel the same at all?”

I shook my head as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Maybe I did but wish that I don’t!”

“Then what the hell are you doing here aside from yelling your head off at me!”

I crossed the room and pinned him to the door by the shoulders, my face inches away from his.

“To be honest…. I don’t know. But of one thing I’m sure…”

“And what’s that?”

“I have never felt so relieved in my life before.” I whispered with a small smile as I kissed him softly. He responded hungrily and all the emotions that I had felt every time we were in a hotel bed, every time we were together and he was so close to me flooded back from the small box that I had locked them away. My hand stoked his cheek as I tiled my head and closed my eyes. When he pulled back I smiled, softly kissed his neck as his arms rested around me pulling me close.

“I missed you so much Bam.” He whispered as he maneuvered us around so I rested against the door and catching my lips with his again.

“I missed you too.” I murmured as my hand rested against the back of his neck deepening the kiss until all I could taste was him.


End file.
